Thora Turns 1

On Friday, March 21st, historically the first day of Spring, Thora turned 1 year old.

I'm sure that other parents have said it more accurately, and surely more succinctly, but when I'm caught relishing a moment, like her wonderful smile, and the way she eggs me on to tickle her more, or the saddest face that you've ever seen with a single fat tear sitting suspended on her round cheek, the soundtrack that waivers in the background, or more accurately, from a place in my torso, like the echoing cavern of a guitar, is one of dissonance. Each moment, I am yearning for the future. I think thoughts like, "I can't wait until she gives me hugs," or "Can you imagine what she will say when she can narrate her thoughts?" But at the very same time, I'm aching to preserve her just the way she is. Yes, her smile will be stunning when she has a full set of white teeth. But somehow, at the same moment, I can realize that her funny, lop-sided, jack-o-lantern smile of just 5 teeth is perfect! I love it. I never want it to change. But then... of course I do. Being a mom is at once the most wonderful thing to be and yet it is somehow unbearable. I watch my baby grow smarter and funnier and so gorgeous (she's breath-taking in my eyes), and yet my baby, the little floppy one that I brought home from the hospital, is disappearing with each day. What a complicated, painful, euphoric experience it is being a mom.